Earthworm Heero
by Memeal
Summary: Earthworm Heero aka, Mr. Asexual vs. Duo "Cutiepants" Maxwell aka, Mr. ALLsexual. Coming together in a blaze of fireworks and happenstance, the two agree on what exactly is needed from a super hero and his arch nemesis. slashy one shot


((_One-Shot_

_Summary: Earthworm Heero (aka, Mr. Asexual) is the archenemy of Duo "Cutiepants" Maxwell (aka, Mr. ALLsexual). Coming together in a blaze of fireworks and happenstance, the two must come to an agreement on what exactly is needed from a super hero and his arch enemy. Or is that a super hero and his sidekick? Or what about two superheros? Heck, who needs a super hero anyway?_

_Warnings: Yaoi! Please don't read if it bothers you. _))

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Earthworm Heero**

by Memme

The bright lights flashing, cameras clicking, and general uproar of many voices in adoration did little to phase the conversation the star in the chair across from Heero Yuy. Instead, the man seemed to love it all, winking now and again to a girl pressed to the front of the police line who would then, invariably, faint dead away back into the crowd and be shuffled back and out by other fans.

Heero Yuy, ordinary and somewhat perturbed reporter for the Daily Gee, sighed and looked at his camera man. "Almost ready?" his cold gaze told his camera man, a young boy named Quat, how he'd like to have this done soon. He really had no time for such shenanigans.

"Almost, Heero!"

"So, you been doing this long?" spoke the purring voice of L2's sex god and the long haired creature glanced at the black beauty across from him.

"Four years, Mr. Maxwell," the curt reply.

"Not much of a talker, are ya? I mean, being a t.v. reporter and all, I'd suspect you'd be far more willing to go on and on about the way of the world and all that. At least that's what most reporters do, when they meet me." Intensely blue eyes (had to be contacts) stared at Heero curiously.

'Probably because they wanted to get into your pants same as everyone around you,' thought Heero staring at a creature impossibly beautiful. But unlike his co-workers, Heero Yuy felt no such attraction. The normal human sexuality of this movie star had nothing on some of the characters he had to come up against in the night time, when he was masked and fighting as -

Ah, but that would be getting ahead of myself now, wouldn't it?

Heero Yuy gave what he hoped was a nervous smile. "Well, Mr. Maxwell, I prefer to keep on a professional level and as you're _more_ than busy enough with the hordes surrounding us, I felt it unnecessary to keep you _entertained_. I assure you that I can, in fact, hold an _intelligent_ conversation if need be."

Duo Maxwell, sex kitten and secret evil arch nemesis of -

Erk, sorry, getting carried away.

Anyway, Duo Maxwell, professional sex kitten and movie star, purred in surprise, lifting his brow and finding his lips curving into a gorgeous blaze of smile. "Why, if it weren't for your inflection, cutie, I'd say you were jealous."

"Hn."

Disappointed by the response, Duo tried again. "Sooo, you come here often?" It was a good, inane joke and one that worked every time.

Well, almost every time. Because it didn't work this time. The gorgeously unaware reporter only turned to his camera man. "Almost ready?"

"Almost, Heero. Two mintues."

Then, turning back, Heero Yuy gave him a steady glance that had not one kilowatt of heat in it. "I rarely come to the central gardens, Mr. Maxwell. I don't find such proceedings very amusing and will be very happy to return home after this is over. Now if you'll be kind enough to give your make up girl the head's up, we'll get prepared. I will only need about fifteen minutes of your time and then you may go back to your fans," here he paused as a girl burst from the police line screaming something about wanting to have many and all Duo babies, waited as she was bodily hefted to a meaty shoulder and taken elsewhere, then continued as if he'd never stopped, "and I will be free to return to my real work."

"Real work?" Duo stared, aghast. "And I suppose I'm not real work."

"Exactly."

"Well what am I then?" Duo slipped on his sexy pout, guaranteed to work every time - only this time it didn't - this was getting annoying!

"Fluff."  
  
FLUFF! He was fluff? Since when?

- - - - - - -

Heero Yuy, reporter and steady government man, sighed as he toed off his shoes, walking into his small apartment. It had been a week since the meeting with Mr. Duo Maxwell and his boss had taken him off the war between Zimbabwe and Newfoundland case again in favor of the movie star. The reason being, it seemed, was that there was to be some grand party at Mr. Maxwell's house and Heero Yuy was the only reporter invited.

Heero didn't want to go. He fought the directive. He had other issues to take care of. Why, he had gone to talk to his boss about taking on an extra human interest story, having gotten a call about triplets joined at the big toe and how difficult it was for them all to walk, needing to coordinate movements and all, and then this.

"Nope, I'll have to give the triplets case to Morgan. You're taking the Maxwell case."

"Maxwell," Heero normally sounded dull, but this time he sounded even more dull than usual.

"Of course. Don't you check your mail?"

"Not more than once a week."

"I know, that's why I checked it for you. Here, this is yours." And his boss had slid a cream colored envelope his way.

"What is this?"

"Our ticket to an exclusive with the world's biggest, sexiest," was that a hint of desire Heero heard in his boss's voice?, "male star right now. And you're going."

Heero tried the most intelligent argument he could think of. "Am not."

"Don't give me that. Here is your claim ticket for your tux. A limo will pick you up at six. Go home and get ready."

And thus he ended up here, with a tux in a bag tucked onto his body, a bit too long in the arms and too wide at the waist, but otherwise, nice enough, a bottle of cheap, grocery store wine in a gold weave bag, and a ticket for the next limo coming by.

When it did arrive, Heero sighed, straightened his tie, and tucking the bottle close to his body, ducked into the car before the chauffeur could get out to open the door for him. "No need to expend more energy than needed," Heero muttered to the man in the front seat as he put the wine bottle to the side and looked around him, trying to find the chair.

His eyes stopped of course, on the creature sitting on the back seat. Well, sitting was the wrong word. Draped was more like it. Brown hair loose and flowing over a half naked body clad only in a pair of rusted and tie dyed jeans and a slender charcoal brown vest open at the front. Well, and shoes and socks of course, and a leather necklace with a small bear claw gilt in gold around his neck.. those sorts of things were important too, really, if one was to dress up as sexily and gaudy and really, ridiculously as this man was.

Heero, never one to have too much a care for things stated as much.

"You don't like it then?" came that pout.

But Heero was immune. Because he was immune to such things because he was... well, someone else but we won't tell you who, though you probably already know. "No," was all he said.

"Hmmm..." purred the sexy purr and the kitten like creature crawled off of the back seat and headed across the extended cab to where Heero had sat himself down on a small half chair squeezed between the wet bar and the deluxe entertainment center in platinum and black trim. "You sure?" and because Duo wanted very much to have an impact on the one person he didn't seem to have an impact on (not counting the person we all know was immune to him because we all know the secret even if the author isn't saying in that annoying way authors have of not telling us what we already know), he crawled all the way to a Heero Yuy and braced his hands on either side of the chair, kneeling between tuxedo legs. "Maybe I should, you know, take it off?"

"Off?" came the bland reply and then eyes widened. "Oh no! Please don't!"

Duo was surprised and shocked and very much saddened by the fact that it wasn't fear but disgust on the other man's face. A cute pout, the same one, but of the cute variety - and he wasn't surprised when it had no impact - tucked his lower lip down to make it more kissable. "You don't like me," he whined mournfully.

Relieved, Heero Yuy sighed and shook his head. "Not very well, no." He was happy that his truthfulness had paid off. And with his infinite patience which he often used to fight such baddies as - oops. Umm, so he was patient. And he waited for Duo Maxwell to back off.

Of course, there was the problem that Duo Maxwell was looking at him intently (in what he was hoping was a sexy, kiss me look and which Heero Yuy was impervious to) as if he were constipated or something. And then, as time passed, the look changed to one of contemplation and somehow, that look left Heero more unnerved than the other.

"Umm, are we there yet?" Heero asked uncertainly.

"Drive around the block, Jeeves," Duo growled and Heero eeped in fear.

Passing the gaudy drive way on their left, Heero turned with a slight frown, trying to act as if this were normal, being kidnapped by gorgeous, sexy movie stars who are accustomed to having people fall all over themselves in an effort to reach the hem of their gown or some such thing. "We have a party to go to, Mr. Maxwell. I have an interview to tape, and then I have a dinner of stroganoff waiting in my refrigerator for me. Please return back."

"And if I won't give you the interview?" Duo asked.

"Won't. Give. Me - what?" Heero stared.

"Unless you _do_ something for me?" And Duo swayed his hips in an impossibly sexy manner completely lost on the dense reporter, singing snippets that he recalled of "What Have you Done for Me Lately?"

"Like - what?" Heero was uncertain. His job? Was his job worth this?

"Oh, just... just kiss me." Duo blushed. What was it about this man? He didn't feel this way about anyone except for the one other human being immune to his charms and that was another unavailable man considering they were fighting on opposite sides, being an arch nemes- yeah. You know.

Heero Yuy stared at him, his mind going over the possibilities and finally coming up with a few good reasons to follow through with this, considering that if he didn't, his authoress would have to pummel him into doing something far worse. And being a fairly intelligent man, a kiss was easy enough to give. "Mission accepted," he agreed.

"What?" Duo tilted his head in confusion.

Heero sighed, "I mean, yes. I will."

"Oh, well?" Duo looked at him expectantly.

"Ah, well..." and Heero, with a slightly uncomfortable mien leaned forward and gave Duo a peck on the cheek. "There. Now may we turn back?"

Duo gaped at him. "That was a kiss," he deadpanned.

"Yes. May we go back now?"

"That. That was a kiss?" this time Duo looked puzzled.

"Well, of course. I've never been much for kissing though, you see. But that's about all I know how to do an- eek!"

The reason for the eek being that Duo decided that Heero needed to give him a real kiss and had at the moment, pulled him off of the chair, tugged him to the floor, flipped a leg over his body and proceeded to ravish that beautifully unresponsive mouth under his.

Now anyone who's ever kissed an unresponsive mouth (or a fish, seeing as how they are one and the same) can tell you it's no picnic. So after a breathless few moments, Duo raised his head and looked down at the perturbed man below him. "Kiss me back.." he growled. "Or no interview."

"I don't know how," ground out the reporter.

Duo blinked. The man was gorgeous, with a hard body to die for, lips to be suckled on, and just about everything on him was perfect, and he didn't know how to kiss? Duo grinned. Fresh meat. And he didn't even have to feel guilty about it. Heero was more than old enough... (Umm, we won't let Duo go into that, because if he DOES have anything to feel guilty about, I don't want to know.)

Erm, so he was old enough an-

- - Hey cuties! Duo here. Damn if the writer gal is being all prudish. I'm no ped, nowaddImean? Jes, can't be takin' up these fresh out of their teens kids without thinkin' they're like waitin for somebody special er' somthin. Anyway, just wanted to set the record straight! Seeeeeyah! - -

Ah, well I feel better about that. Anyway, with that information, Duo couldn't help but grin and lean back over and whisper, "Just.. relax and do what I do..." and then proceed to fit hot, sexy lips to ice-prince, sexy lips.

It took a few times around the block before Duo was satisfied he'd gotten the response he had wanted. And another time around before he'd readjusted his hair and Heero's clothing (Duo had gone on to show how kisses weren't relegated just to the mouth, much to the delight of Duo and the consternation of Heero who had no idea that he was capable of moaning like that) and then they were free to stop the car.

Heero still had mussed hair when he got to the party, but no one could have known the difference because it was always mussed and besides, it looked sexy. And it still looked good an hour later when he finished the intimate, exclusive interview (the second one that night - though this one was before a camera) and was able to go home.

Go home to get changed and go to his second job.

- - - - - - - - -

"Fluff.. pah.." Cutiepants grumbled as he readjusted his sequined black and silver uniform. Then looking at his butler, Jeeves Chang, he sighed. "That reporter said I was fluff."

Jeeves kept his opinions to himself. It wouldn't do to tell anyone as dangerous as Cutiepants that fluff was a fairly adequate descriptor for his alter ego.

"Well don't go all righteously angry on me and start telling me it's not true or anything, Jeeves," groused the super-villain evilly.

"Your contacts, sir," Jeeves murmured and held out the silver tray with the special contact cases opened and filled with water as well as a pair of sexy, Cutiepants glasses set aside that.

"Thanks, Jeeves," Cutiepants sighed as he took out the electric blue contacts (reminded him of a pair of eyes belonging to a super hero (because I can now say it) who will remain nameless until he's introduced) revealing incredibly beautiful violet eyes. Before he could turn those eyes on his butler and thus ruin all chances of having a good butler (falling over themselves, in love butlers did nothing but simper and fret) he put on the glasses and grinned a wide, toothy grin. "Okay, off for a night of fun."

Turning, Duo - I mean, Cutiepants had made it to the door of the garage (no need for secret bat caves here) to get his motorcycle when his butler's voice reminded him of something.

"Pick up some canned vegetables when you're on your way back, will you? I'm out of green beans."

"Oh? Anything else?" Duo cast a glance over his shoulder.

"Hmm, milk, sir. I think we need some milk."

"Kay, see ya, Jeeves!"

- - - - - - - - -

Cutiepants was really a super villain. He was fairly good at it. Though he didn't have a band to follow him nor an evil laugh nor really any ill gotten gains stashed away. But then, he felt he had always liked the super villains better in his comic books and therefore had chosen to go that route when he'd grown older. It didn't stop him from dropping from a skylight (aka Batman style) and ending up on a table with a lot of bad guys around him and lots of ill gotten gains they had come by.

"Hey kids," he crowed.

The men at the table gasped. Terror on each and every face. Du- Cutiepants turned to grin at the man who seemed most likely to be the head of the gang, considering he was sitting at the head of the table, and shrugged. "So, what's hap'nin' George?"

George, the head guy at the head of the table gave a watery smile, feeling his will power draining under the power of that damn sexy grin before him. "Heya Cutiepants. Didn't... uh, didn't know we was on yer turf."

Cutiepants sashayed up the table and knelt before George, chucking him under the chin. "C'mon, baby. It wasn't my turf until t'day. And now you're on it. Whatcha gon' do?"

"Err... leave?" came the squeak and with it, the banging of quite a few chairs (twenty three in fact, though there were twenty two men leaping up, one was banged against and tripped over by Mirvie the Six Foot Mouse) falling over as the rest of the men leapt up and ran for the door. In a moment, not one soul was left but George and Cutiepants.

"Boo."

"AAAAHHHH!!!!" the scream of terror resounded in the alley, into the air, scared a few cats, and then died.

Of course, it also attracted the attention of a superhero and a moment later, another motorcycle was parked next to the first though this one was chained to the lamp post so it couldn't be stolen and the burglar alarm was set so it wouldn't be stripped either. There was no reason not to be careful in this part of town.

Seeing the many forms running out the door, our super hero decided instead to use the skylight and was somewhat delighted to find it already broken. The chances of his cutting his costume or anything were greatly reduced.

He alighted on the table in time to see a George looking type of person stumbling out the door. Behind him there was a soft rustle and he spun around.

Ahead of him was the lithe form of his arch nemesis. "Cutiepants Maxwell," he informed no one at all because we all knew who it was.

"Earthworm Heero," said the other, telling no one but those who just don't get things like this.

Earthworm Heero watched the super villain stand, cat like, and stretch, take off his glasses, and direct those beautiful eyes toward him.

The deal with the eyes was this. Anyone looking into them would fall hopelessly in love with the person in whose head they resided. And because eyes aren't as interchangeable as watches, this person happened to be Du- Cutiepants Maxwell.

But of course, as we all know, Earthworm Heero was impervious. The glance that should have had him on his knees begging to be taken as a love slave did absolutely nothing.

"So," Cutiepants finally said in that silence during which the author gave silly, inane information about eyes and heads and love slaves, "whatcha doin' t'night?"

"Stopping you from doing whatever it is that you're doing, of course," Earthworm Heero answered.

"Ah." Cutiepants smiled. "Hey. I have a question. Do you think I'm fluff?"

Taken aback, the super hero raised an eyebrow in question and then frowned, thinking. "Mmm, no. I don't think you're fluff. Why?"

"Oh, nothing. Shall we fight then?" Cutiepants seemed happy with that.

"Sure. You wanna attack first?"

"Of course. I _am _the super villain, aren't I?"

"Yes you are," Earthworm Heero agreed.

And thus when the police arrived, they found a lot of loot, some knocked out bandits who were too close to the fight when it happened, George (who had had too much of a Cutiepants grin and couldn't get past the front door and would have gone back in but that he locked himself out, leaving his keys on the table inside), and a rather messed up crime scene. Of course everyone knew it was Earthworm Heero saving the day again and that Cutiepants must have been involved in the crime somehow seeing as how they were super enemies and all.

But that case wasn't given to Heero Yuy the next day to cover. Instead, he was given a day in the life of Duo Maxwell.

- - - - - - - - - -

"HEE-CHAN!" came the screech as Heero entered the foyer of the Maxwell mansion and was met with an obligatory half naked (this time in sleeping jams) Duo Maxwell which instantly wrapped itself around his body.  
  
"Hee-chan?" he asked, confused.

"Oh, if you'd rather I called you koi, I'd be willing to," Duo intoned with a twinkle.

"Why would you want to call me after a fish?" Heero asked, still confused.

"Ah man, Heero! You're like what, Japanese and you don't know your own mother tongue?" Duo complained.

"Japanese? Well, my mother was Japanese, but my father is American and so the chances of me actually learning much of my mother's tongue are about nil. Even if they were both Japanese, they speak english very well and second generation immigrants rarely know their ancestral tongue, you know this. But if you want to call me a fish, you may." Heero grunted, one of Duo's arms was superglued around his chest.

"You really are a wet blanket, aren't you, Hee-chan?" said Duo, not as upset as he really sounded. He readjusted a grip with a hand Heero wasn't grappling with.

Heero sighed and gave up, only shrugged. "Where shall I have my camera men set up?"

"Set up?" Duo asked and looked behind Heero at the wide eyed blonde boy who blushed at being so close to the sexiest man alive. "Oh! Yes, umm, Jeeves will help you."  
  
Heero looked up from the tangle to Jeeves, imploring with his eyes. But just as he was untouched by Duo's charms, so was Jeeves free of debt to his eyes.

"Come this way, of course," Jeeves stated and led Heero's camera man away. That action of course, led to others of which led to a tryst with the gardener behind the potting shed, but that's another story and won't be told here, let alone anywhere, really. Such side stories never do get told, which is always a bummer when you think it would make a better story than the one you're reading.

This left, then, Duo with Heero at his mercy. And after a quick tour of the mansion (with a Duo leading Heero forcibly by the hand) Duo managed to sequester them in a private, comparitively simple sun room and make Heero moan again. The episode was fairly nice for almost all concerned (including the gardener but not including the butler who was pining after a doctor in the next town) and not one frame of film was shot. But considering how that day was anything but typical for Duo, it was okay. And Heero left a tad rumpled, but with a promise to have a regular filming day the next day around.

Of course, having had the strenuous exercise and all -

- - Hey kids! Me again. Just wanted to say for the record, we were just kissing! Heero isn't as quick to jump in the sack as me. He's quick, but not that quick! - -

Yes, anyway. Of course, having had the strenuous exercise and all, made Heero tired and he didn't get to his job that night. And because Cutiepants was more than ready for him that day, things got off kilter and Cutiepants started to feel like he'd been stood up. Which led pretty much, to the next day.

- - - - - - - -

"What is this crap, Yuy?" Heero's boss shouted as he dropped the film on Heero's desk. "I've never seen Maxwell like this. This is a day in the life?"

"Apparently so, sir," Heero replied. Of course, even he had noticed (as blind as he was) that Duo hadn't seemed on top of his game. In fact, if truth be told, the other man had sounded rather - well, depressed, frankly. Very, very depressed.

"And you have a half hour commentary on how cruel it is of our best friends to stand us up by him. Couldn't you stop him, mid rant? I had no idea Duo Maxwell would be such a wet blanket on tape!" Heero's boss snorted in disgust.

"I tried, sir."

"Of course you did," his boss groaned. "Oh well, we won't shot this. We can't. And we won't be interviewing him so intimately ever again, I should think."

"Okay, sir." Heero tried not to dance, but his toes moved anyway. It was a small, miniature toe tap dance and his boss noticed nothing.

"Might as well send you back to the Newfoundland-Zimbabwe conflict," his boss grimaced and waved a hand at the tape. "Scrap that. I don't ever want to see it again."

"Yessir," Heero was smiling. Wonderful. Simply wonderful. No more Duo Ma-

Wait a minute. No more Duo Maxwell?

- - - - - - - - -

"Don' wanna go," Cutiepants groaned as he put on his glasses and glanced at his quiet butler. "Can't I stay home? It's boring and nobody wants to play with meee..."

Jeeves, in a white suite and with his black hair tied back (why yes, he was named Wufei before he had it changed so he could get a job as a butler, how did you know?), sighed and pushed the motorcycle keys into the hands of his boss. He had an appointment to keep with a seat outside a local hospital to keep an eye out for a doctor he'd been crushing on and he didn't want to be kept from it. "Have a good night, sir. And pick up some wine on your way home."

"Sure, sure sure..." Cutiepants grumbled and then muttering about jerks who stood you up when you most needed to gloat and be happy after having a nice make out session with a cute, unresponsive (but for the surprised moans but those didn't count), reporter fellow, he got on his bike and drove into the main heart of the city.

Cutiepants had a few leads on some things but really he wasn't in the mood that night. So instead he stopped in a bookstore and bought a few books (even though the book store owner wanted to give them to him for free, he had never stolen anything in his life!) and walking down the street, proceeded to read with his head down.

He of course wasn't looking when he bumped into someone and flashed an instant, though muted smile at the person which turned quickly into a scowl. "You!"

Earthworm Heero had been having something of the same type of night, though he'd not been reading because he was busy trying to think about what it was that was wrong with him now that he didn't have to go and be subjected to Duo Maxwell the Human Octopus. His hands deep in his super hero suit pockets, he'd stalked the roads and only recently bumped into his nemesis.  
  
Of course, he wasn't feeling much up for fighting. "Hn," he grunted and looked down at the books in Cutiepants' hand. "Didn't know you read."

Clearly Earthworm Heero was trying to be polite and Cutiepants didn't appreciate it. "You stood me up yesterday! You were supposed to meet me at the bridge."

"I was?" Earthworm Heero looked surprised.

"Duh!" Cutiepants said in a snide tone. "Hello? I almost had to tear down the struts by myself. Of course the police will think that you caught the lady that was trying to kill herself because she was out of it and all and that I was trying to kill her or something, but I haven't seen the papers to find out if that's the case or not. But I'd prefer a little help next time? I don't want to lose my reputation, yanno."

"Oh!" Earthworm Heero blinked owlishly. "Sorry. I didn't realize. I fell asleep. I had had a rough day."

Cutiepants sighed in anger. "Yeah, well you stood me up and I had had a good day until that point." And then, because he was, intrinsically a curious type person, "What made it so bad?"

"Hmm?" Earthworm Heero was turning a strange color.

"You okay?" Cutiepants found himself suddenly worried and he stepped closer. "You look flushed."

"Err, I suppose I am," Earthworm Heero blushed even more. "It's just embarrassing."

"Ohhh!" Cutiepants couldn't help himself. He took a step closer. Earthworm Heero was rather cute when he was blushing.

"Yes, you see, someone kissed me," Earthworm Heero mentioned after some time of hemming and hawing.

Cutiepants blinked. "That's it? That's all that happened? Why people try to kiss me all the time! And sometimes they succeed!" he grinned happily. "When I let them, of course. That is why you had a rough day? What? You didn't like them or something? I mean jeez! This is tradition! You skipped me because someone kissed you. I can't believe it. You think that maybe some guy has a really good excuse like he fell off a building too hard or he washed and dried his suit when he was supposed to dry clean it and it shrunk, or maybe his dog caught a hairball sickness, but instead it's kissing? Jeez Earthie-baby, you need to really get your priorities straight. This is crazy, I was waiting for you for two hours, figuring on you showing up to save that chick and you didn't and then I had to save her myself and boy was that embarrassing and then there was having to break down the struts on the bridge and blow up a few empty cars and that jazz and you're telling me you had a bad day? Give me a flippin' break, there! I am not about to be going all, 'Okay that's just fine you break down just cause someone kissed you, Earthworm' just cause someone kissed you! No, I figure you owe me on thi-mm mmf mmbbmm fffmmmbmm!" The rest was lost as Earthworm Heero's hand went over that rambling mouth and both waited for the rambling to stop.   
  
Finally, wish silence reigning, Earthworm Heero muttered, "You done?"

A nod and Earthworm Heero's hand pulled away. "I'm sorry," he muttered and then, desperate to keep from the evil mouth of logorhea, he pointed to the book. "What are you reading?"

"This?" Du-err, Cutiepants asked, lifting the book with a query. "Oh, just a silly Morrison book. Ever read her? I'm not too big on her but she's good if you're depressed. Maybe you'd like her and all... wanna see?" and casually the super villain handed over the book.

Interested, Earthworm Heero fished in another pocket in his super hero for a pair of coke bottle lenses which he put on his eyes with a small smile. "Far sighted," he muttered as he read over the cover.

"I see."

They both waited while Earthworm Heero looked through the book and then Cutiepants nodded his thanks as he reclaimed the book. "So, what'dya think?"

Then, "Earthie? Hello?"

Then, "Umm... you're really startin' to freak me out here. You okay?"

The truth, of course, was that Earthworm Heero was staring at Cutiepants as if he'd never seen him before. Blue eyes magnified behind thick lenses, he just gaped and barely breathed a single breath of air. Though after a moment, his mouth started to dance open and closed a bit.

And the truth to go with that truth, something everyone has probably figured out by now, was that Earthworm Heero was immune because Earthworm Heero was blind as a bat. He'd simply never seen Cutiepants very well before. Oh sure, he had the eyes of a hawk over long distances of a couple blocks, but a couple blocks away, when things became sharp and in focus, he couldn't see enough details to be overcome by the sheer beauty that was his arch-nemesis. So he was, in reality, seeing Cutiepants for the first time.

"Hey, Super Hero guy... what'cha lookin' at, huh?" Cutiepants was worried now. He really liked Earthworm Heero. Between this guy and the reporter, he was fairly sure he'd languish in a loveless world, but he'd go down fighting for one more glimpse. They were both sexier'n a popsicle on a hot day melting over a... oh, well, that's not very sexy, but they were still darn sexy. And now Earthworm Heero was staring at him and Cutiepants was starting to feel decidedly uneasy.

"Ugg, ugg, ugg," said Earthworm Heero.

"What was that supposed to mean? Are you okay? Are you choking?" Cutiepants moved closer and patted Earthworm's shoulder.

"Ugg, ugg, ugg," Earthworm Heero repeated and then, as if sensing on some level that he wasn't getting through, he added, "You are gorgeous..." in a breathy, amazed sort of romantic voice.

"Uh, I know?" Cutiepants looked confused this time.

"Ugg -"  
  
"Oh don't start that again! I can't understand a single word you're saying and you're scaring me here!" Cutiepants started, and then got rolling again, "You haven't said anything but you're sorry and we should probably be doing something like tearing up this street to find whatever meanie head was stealing puppies so that I could take credit and you could be the good guy and all you can say is Ugg? Give me a break! I have gone out of my way, dressed up extra nice today," he hadn't really, it was his normal outfit but some lost, forgotten hope had made him leave some of his tresses free of the normal braid, "and went for a walk even though I didn't want to because my butler wouldn't let me stay home because he has a crush on a doctor that has never seen him and never will see him because he hides on a bench outside the hospital and he never goes in and you just stare at me as if I have something on my nose. What is it? A zit? Is this a joke? It's a mean joke then and it's not befitting a super hero, really so I think if you are going to keep on acting like this then I'll just leave. Is that what you want? Huh? For me to l-mmm!"

The rambling stopped. And then after a soft, "Mmmmm," followed, but it wasn't rambling. It was the reaction of a mouth that's been kissed thoroughly.

So after they parted, Earthworm Heero smirked. "You talked too much." He'd gotten his wits back, though he was still red faced and he panted slightly and he'd made a few of the soft "mmm" sounds too while they were at it.

"Mm-okay," Cutiepants sighed happily.  
  
Then, in shock, "Oh wait! Heero! I can't forget - "

"Yes?" Earthworm Heero stared at him.

"No, not you. Another Heero. He's a reporter and I was fooling around with him and I really like him and oh dang, here I go again, better shut me up, ple-mmmmm"

A moment later, breathing hard again, Earthworm Heero peeked carefully at Cutiepants from behind his coke bottle lenses. "Duo?" he murmured.

"Yisss?" the soft, breathy answer.

"Just checking." And with that, Earthworm Heero went back to doing what he was apparently so very good at, though he hadn't known until this moment.

- Owari

((_Grah! Okay, so I have this day off and I've been working like mad on another chapter for Big Texas Soul and I got tired of angst and weird men wandering around drunk and nightmares and stuff, so I had to give m'self a tiny break. Thus I figured to knock off one of the One Shots off of my list. This being the first one. Hee hee. Yay! It's not betaed and I don't think it will be. The poor betas have enough to deal with, with my grousing and dancing around on the subject of the other two. So I'm givin' them a break as well when I do the silly junk food like stuff, like this is. Hope it was a fun read!_))


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